Back in the Day - Mad Bull 34 12/26/2009.

Back in the Day - Mad Bull 34

Just another buddy cop show, except for all the sex with hookers.

Well, that and all of the other things that will make you go what the f*(#!?! First off, lets make it clear that Mad Bull 34 is horrible - used urinal cake horrible. Sure, it’s quite entertaining, but, good? No. So why would I bother, you might ask? Why have I decided to talk about such a stain on the history of anime? All I can say is Mad Bull 34 is some of the weirdest anime you will likely come across. It gets so weird that even one of the characters says it’s weird. With things like exploding coffee, a baked cat, a hand grenade jockstrap, sex with hookers in each episode, a hospital bed wedding, a fingernail decapitation and even an Alien/Predator baddy, the list of weirdness doesn’t seem to end. Also, keep in mind, this article is based on Manga Entertainment’s dubbed VHS release of the show, so that in itself made for some bad decisions on the localization of the OVA. An OVA originally released in Japan in 1990 and then licensed by Manga Entertainment and released on VHS by them in 1996.

So where to start? Well, Mad Bull 34 follows two beat cops of the 34th Precinct (hence the 34 in the title), where the toughest and most dangerous criminals run amuck. So it’s up to our heroes John “Sleepy” Estes, aka Mad Bull, and Daizaburo “Eddie” Ban to rid the streets of the worst of the worst of the 34th. First off, there’s the show’s name sake, Mad Bull, named so for his unorthodox style of law enforcement, otherwise known as police brutality and/or unnecessary/excessive force. He means well though, so it’s OK, he’s just taking down the punks, pushers and scumbags of New York. As for prostitution, he’s got that taken care of - personally. He runs the biggest prostitution ring in the precinct himself, all the while dipping into the candy jars. Once again, no need to worry. All the money he takes from the hookers goes to a venereal disease clinic for battered and raped women, so it balances out. Well not really, but hey, he’s the big lovable bear of the show, so it’s OK. Seriously, you could mistake the guy for a bear if he was covered in fur. At one point he’s standing next to the patrol car and you have to ask yourself, “how the hell does he fit in it?” Yet, lets not go off half-cocked, for it to be a buddy cop show “Sleepy” has to have a partner, and that partner is Daizaburo. He’s a Japanese-American fresh out of the police academy, a rookie that’s an accomplished marksman and an expert in the martial arts (which you never see in action). All of which is stupendous considering he’s only 18. Talk about a complete and total lack of reality consideration. (What am I saying? This series doesn‘t understand that idea). He’s also the straightedge, by the book kind of guy and he thinks his new partner is as crooked as they come. He wants his partner to change his ways. Instead, he ends up becoming more like “Sleepy”. Except for all the sex with hookers, or any sex for that matter. For you see, Daizaburo is a virgin and he believes his bride deserves one on their wedding night.

Some how those little, far and few in-between, moral rights balance out (not really) all the rape, murder, arson and rape. Yes, the show does like it’s rape. Clothes are seemingly made of the cheapest, hand-sewn-by-9-year-old-Korean-children fabric. The ease and speed at which they rip, tear and shred away are astounding. How they stay in one piece at all is amazing itself. So be prepared to see big, bountiful, beautiful, bare breasts, try saying that five times fast. Then there is the violence, which Mad Bull 34 also has in spades. In the first episode after a quick run down about who Daizaburo is, it quickly jumps to “Sleepy” taking down two nude dudes who are about to rape (or possibly already have) a random blond. In typical Mad Bull fashion it’s shoot first, ask questions later and one guy has his head taken off bullet by bullet as they nip away at the guy’s neck. Later on in the same episode we are treated to robbers on roller skates wearing hockey masks, yeah, you didn’t read that wrong, I said robbers on roller skates wearing hockey masks, getting gunned down with one of them getting his head blown off. Bit by bit as if he’s having a little cut off from the top, except, you know, down to the neck. Those are just the first couple of several beheadings that pop up as the show goes on. People lose their heads in this series like an Alzheimer’s patient loses track of what day it is. If the baddies don’t lose their heads, they lose a bit more, like most of their body, thanks to a head on greeting with a subway train. The death toll for the series is right on up there with the best, er, worst of them. Even the cops have to look out for the ‘ole stabby stab in the final episode.

Oh, and what a weird, odd and complete lack of sense, of any nature, episode it is. This is when Capricorn shows up, our Alien/Predator hybrid if you will with a penchant for killing cops. Why is he/it/her named Capricorn? Because “Sleepy” thought it was cool like Scorpio in Dirty Harry. Yeah, like I said, it makes no sense at all. The Aliens reference doesn’t end at Capricorn either, eventually the police of the 34th Precinct devise such a ridiculous plan it just might work, one again, not really. The plan? “Sleepy” challenges Capricorn to a one to one fight at Yankee Stadium, where “Sleepy” is strapped into a mech that clearly looks like the power-loader from Aliens. If that Aliens reference doesn’t pull those famous 3 words, or at the very least, 3 letters (WTF), from your mouth, then what happens after the reveal of who Capricorn is should. If you still haven’t dropped an F-Bomb of your own after that, you are either dead and thus a zombie craving brains or lying in a hospital bed comatose, craving brain function. Speaking of the F-word, it gets tossed around as if it’s the new favorite word of the day, every day, in the series.

If you think the content is trash, then you’ll just love the flow of the story, quality of the animation and spot on dubbing. The first episode jumps around like an 8 year old on a sugar rush, and it doesn’t get much better by the 4th and final episode. Plots are as shallow as that cheerleader that wouldn’t go out with you in high school and makes as much sense as watching VHS on an HD TV. Seriously, VHS isn’t the best media format to have ever graced the home theater and Mad Bull 34 isn’t helping. With animation that was handed off to the Chinese, it’s no surprise it was rushed like so much other animation of the time. How bad is it? As bad as the rancid Chinese accents in the 3rd episode. Chinese who happen to be assassins, assassins who chose death over failure. Extreme, but more played out than House Party 3. As for the rest of the voice acting, it’s acting alright. Acting around like no one gives a shit. Pay close attention and you’ll notice stumbles that were left in and all of the other bad accents that degrade into something else all together as the series goes on. Lets not forget the hard rock soundtrack either. It’s so terrible, one has to wonder if Manga Entertainment made a casting call to the local high school garage bands.

Alright, so you’ve made it his far and maybe you have the morbid curiosity to actually watch Mad Bull 34. Well, for those of you willing and brave enough to take the time to watch Mad Bull 34 and those who have done so already and know I haven’t exaggerated one bit, the bad (or good) news is that Mad Bull 34 has been out of print for years. There was talk from Manga Entertainment that they were going to release the series on DVD, but before they could the license expired in ‘06. So if you want to get your hands on Mad Bull 34 you will have to hunt down the VHS tapes Manga released back in ‘96.

UPDATE: Discotek Media acquired the rights to Mad Bull 34 and released it on DVD in 2013 under their Eastern Star label. It is currently available from several retails, from RightStuf to Amazon. So if you want it, hop to it and pick it up while you still can. If some how you want even more Mad Bull 34, there is a manga which the 4 part OVA was based off of. It ran from 1986 to 1990 and was collected into 27 volumes; then in 1999 a sequel, "Mad Bull 2000", was started. I don’t know if it was ever licensed for US release nor do I know if anyone has been crazy enough to scanlate it. Though it wouldn’t be too surprising if someone has considering Mad Bull 34 was authored by Kazuo Koike, more famously known for writing “Lone Wolf and Cub“. In the end Mad Bull 34 is an exercise in the excess of violence, naked women, 4 letter words and the weirdest of the weird. You aren’t likely to find much more that is on the same level as Mad Bull 34, and we should all be thankful for it. In parting, I wish the best of luck to anyone that dares watch the series and I hope you at least find it entertaining in the same manner I have.